A good morning for me begins with a walk around my neighborhood. I enjoy it best in the 'fives,’ which (I know) seems more than a bit unusual for most of you. But that is the time I am most likely to be uninterrupted, minus the truly horrifying Halloween decorations which some neighbors have had up since the first week in September. Uninterrupted may be my very favorite posture upon waking, and one that doesn’t always move smoothly alongside having children whom often wake early. I have spent many motherhood years in my chair, journal and Bible open, shoulders slightly hunched with inevitable anticipation of being interrupted by a little person I love so much and simultaneously wish would (please, God) sleep longer.
The walks started this summer because dark, early morning seemed to be the only chance to stroll in pleasant temperatures, but they have quickly become a bit of a soul-lifeline. I crave the rhythms that dark walks invite in me: seeing God rightly, silently communicating about what resides in my heart, bringing Him the mess of my jumbled mind, and receiving grace once again delivered in almost-fall breezes and deep breaths through my nose. Grace. When it seems a little too good to be true, we’re on to something I think.
Where have you experienced grace lately? What have been the backdrops to some God nods of unmerited love and favor?
One came this Saturday night. In a truly miraculous event, six couples in our thirties with sixteen children between us were able to gather kid-free around one table at the Kaskow house in the middle of a bustling fall to cheers our friend, Jonathan, the day before his birthday. I think if you surveyed the crowd, each of us would say we couldn’t remember the last time we laughed that hard. There would be a collective marveling at how good the food tasted because we didn’t prepare it ourselves. Several of us would still be talking about the face-sized cookies and which flavor we’re salivating over five days later. We would reference how middle school dance-ish it felt at the beginning and the end of the night, women naturally huddling up and men gravitating toward the TV with football on. Undoubtedly, though, we would talk about the grace of God. As the forks clinked against the plates, napkins covered mouths full of food mid-cackle, and get-to-know-you questions were extended toward the semi-new faces we sat next to, we would get teary about how good grace can feel in the form of friendship. When it seems a little too good to be true, we’re on to something I think.
Another came on Tuesday. Ryen was supposed to go to a beach volleyball practice, but came home not feeling well. She fell asleep immediately in her bed (which she hasn’t done since Kindergarten) and woke up a couple hours later, slow moving but happy. Since Austin was traveling that night, the kids and I had a quiet evening with an easy dinner and neglected dishes so I could usher each of them a little earlier to their beds. Ry came down an hour later unable to sleep because of her unusual afternoon nap. As I cleared the dishes and paused my friend mid-sentence on Voxer (can we AMEN the beauty of a voice text as a mother- pause, friend, without forgetting where you were, getting annoyed, or offended by my needing to tend to a child) I followed my oldest up the stairs to tuck her in.
We talked for forty five minutes about school, friends, the increased workload as a fifth grader, books, bodies, God’s work in her life, and questions she had tucked away that seem courageous enough to surface only during bedtime hours. I closed her door watching a reassured preteen snuggle into her pillow. I thought about the voice of my friend on Voxer. Even though we hadn’t spoken in nearly a year, I had always remembered something she said about her mom. She wasn’t supermom, but she was available and that changed everything.
I couldn’t believe the grace of God. In my selfish longing for the day to be ‘over,’ in my endless questioning about finding purpose in motherhood, even in the privilege I have to choose whether or not I stay home with our kids, God had not made me supermom. He had made me available.
I’m not awesome at this whole motherhood thing. But I am here. As here as I know how to be. I walked down the stairs with tears in my eyes and thought, I have and will get so many things wrong in my life, but praise be to God that in all the wrong choices, he leads me toward Himself, and good, right choices seem to follow. Like walking my girl up to her room, sitting on her bed, seeking her eyes when she wanted to look away, reassuring her with good words from God, and reaching out to a friend I hadn’t talked to in awhile, just so the sound of her voice could rush her otherwise expired wisdom to the forefront of my mind in just the time I needed it. Grace. When it seems a little too good to be true, we’re on to something I think.
So, I’ll ask you again. Where have you experienced grace lately? What have been the backdrops to some God nods of unmerited love and favor?
Write them. Tell them. Pray them. Thank God for them. And then look for them all over again.
Until November (!)
Learning:
I went to my very first eye doctor appointment this month (because I’m old) at Warby Parker (because I’m young) and I absolutely should not operate a vehicle after getting my eyes dilated. That sweet, young thing at WP didn’t know what she was talking about.
The only way to find your voice is to use it. Over and over.
If you like your shoes, it doesn’t matter what your outfit/hair looks like.
The book of Judges is sad and horrible at parts, but I have learned more about God, His character and His faithfulness in that book than others I have read lately. Don’t be intimidated about the Bible. With a good guide, you will see God’s hand on every page and be blown away by Him.
Reading:
Am I the last one to know about Leanne Morgan? What in the World?! Has made me laugh out loud at least four times in every chapter. I don’t always recommend listening to books over reading them, but there is something about this woman’s voice/accent. Everything she says is endearingly funny.
Rereading Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund because the simplicity of the truth in this book remains hard for me to accurately grasp. He is also very purposeful with his words which makes me a better writer/communicator.
Starting The Plan by Kendra Adachi and pretty intrigued by the idea that nearly all time management books are written by men, but a woman’s time often looks very different day to day, so “managing” it may need some differing guidance.
I read all of Meghan Fate Marshman’s book Relaxed: Walking with the One who is not Worried About a Thing and loved it. Her voice is a balmy one in our world right now and I am here for it.
I’ve been listening to The Vanderbeekers series with my kids in the car and I am equally as into the writing and the family dynamics as they are.
In the Bible I am studying Ecclesiastes with our church (mind blown emoji), Judges in our women’s Bible study (sad/horrified emoji) and memorizing Psalm 119 with a friend (mountain emoji). It always thrills me how God weaves similar themes in our lives when we journey through different books at the same time.
Praying:
I got to pray out loud with a mentor of mine over the phone today. It was over an hour of catch up and prayer. Best calendar item of the week and I am seeing Ben Rector tomorrow, so it says a lot.
For our friends in Florida and everywhere else in the midst of the hurricanes.
That our kids would really know God, really love Him- all their lives.
To fear God. Learning that is more about seeing God rightly. I ask Him every first glance up at the stars during my dark, morning walk to help me see Him accurately. I believe that changes it all.
For our marriage- if you need new words to pray over your marriage- message me.
Up to:
Nike App weight lifting. Little by little, getting stronger in my body to translate to my heart, mind and spirit.
Prepping to teach Ruth Chapter 1 on Wednesday. What a fresh spring breeze the book of Ruth is after teaching through Judges, but you need both to not lose the big story.
Planting an herb garden once again with the promise of non-90’s temperatures coming next week. First time including dill in the line up- ideas?
Dreaming about what good food I am going to make for some ladies who are new to town coming over this weekend. I’ve been the new girl a lot in my life. I love being able to feed, see and encourage the new girls.
xoxo
Kristin
P.S. With no real photos taken during any of these sweet moments of grace, enjoy a runner up grace moment of this month. Katie, Ruben and the five of us post-Hop Doddy Burgers on South Congress :)
