Today is about as good a day as we get in Austin, TX. I picture a bunch of out of town guests coming in for SXSW being caught in the illusion that this type of weather is a normal occurrence in our central Texan city. Suckers.
I am one of them, though. We visited Austin for a could we actually move here? vision trip in April of 2018 and got completely bamboozled when we moved a few months later in July. A few weeks in, I remember carrying two crying toddlers who just got their yearly shots at a brand new doctor’s office across what felt like miles of blistering concrete just to get in my car and find out it was 111 degrees outside (and not the Arizona dry kind.) So yes, Austin has days like March 10, 2025 that make you believe afresh that life will actually be okay and there are days you say ‘fix it all, Jesus’ because the temperature resembles all things scary and sad.
Austin, Texas. A little bit good, a little bit meh, a little bit not so great. I am living through a season where I am believing the same to be true about myself. Maybe it’s the grace of entering midlife years. There’s some pretty good ‘good’ that God has refined, cultivated and uncovered in me. There is plenty of underwhelm that allows me to bank on the calming shores of mediocrity (and never have I been more at peace to be considered ‘normal’ among the humans in this world.) And then, there are continual discoveries of the ways I am not killing it at life. Just the other day I gave some advice to one of my sweet friends and she said, ‘actually, I feel like God led me to do the opposite of that.’ I asked her later, ‘how many other times in my life do you think I’ve given advice that was the exact opposite of God’s!?’ Consider this my broad and public apology to approximately all the people I know.
My kids have fallen in love with an animated movie on Netflix called Leo. The movie follows a 5th grace class-pet lizard (Adam Sandler) who mistakingly thinks he’s about to die and spends the majority of the year going home for the weekend with students, giving them advice and making them feel special. One piece of wisdom he gives to the spoiled girl of the class: “You’re not that great.” His message offends, pierces, and eventually liberates her.
Austin, TX- outside of a few days in March- is not that great. Kristin Stockfisch- outside of a holy and hostile takeover of the Holy Spirit- is not that great. And you- you are special, unique, loved by God and also… not that great.
When the goal of our lives here is to make a name for ourselves this truth can feel crushing and discouraging. I lived regrettably too long during the earlier days of my adult life thinking that was the prize. And somehow God loved me enough to keep me very low in my achievement, following and impressiveness. I see that now as the greatest gift. Where would I be if He allowed me to believe I was the great one? It’s scarier and sadder than the 111 tearful July day.
Instead, like a very gentle and patient Father, He daily (minute-ly?) fixes my eyes and reorients my mind towards Him and His greatness.
Psalm 145:3 says,
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.
When I am freshly aware of Him and His greatness, I follow a very similar pattern to an animated spoiled fifth grader. At first, I’m offended. What do you mean only YOU can be great? I work hard, I do stuff! (More gentleness and patience on His part.) Then, I am pierced. God, I am so sorry how often and how easily I want to be the one who is considered great. I want to take the credit, the glory, the praise, the honor. As if I had anything to do with how I was made. I am so sorry. Lastly, I am liberated. Because He’s the great One, most worthy of praise, because His greatness no one (including me) can fathom, I am led to worship Him. I am liberated in the worship of a great God to be freely mediocre. Normal. Even meh. In light of that truth I can live in the vast moral spectrum my human heart is capable of because it was never really about my performance in the first place. He is the great one, so (liberatingly) I don’t have to be.
Learning:
When I am stuck writing a lesson, a paper for grad school, or in an unhealthy mental loop, I go for a walk. I have talked about walking before, but just recently have added it as a solution-oriented activity. It works.
I love sports documentaries.
Ry is her best self when on the sand playing volleyball (see pic).
It’s good to be married to someone who wants to grow in their knowledge and love of 1) God and 2) you. We said yesterday, 16 years in and it’s getting better- we aren’t (to be sure) but our view of God is and that feels sustaining.
Reading:
Galatians commentaries.
Going through the Psalms backwards in personal reading time.
Any studies/articles on this next generation
Praying:
There are several people I love very dearly who are physically hurt and sick in my life right now. Praying a lot for them.
Saying out loud, “God, you are my God.” Mostly to remind myself who is in charge, who has my loyalty and how much better He is than anything (anyone) else.
Against pride in myself and evil across the world.
For a little, sweet nephew coming soon!
Up to:
Lots of conversations about Holy Habits because of the series our church is going through.
Purchasing my very first pair of glasses.
Planting herbs, flowers and all the lovely things again.
Looking for ways to engage in and enjoy silence.
Until April,
xoxo
