We are officially back in Austin. Though it is mercilessly hot and August is far and above the worst month to be here, I am so happy to be home. Six weeks is a long time to be away. It’s enough time to fully detach from the norm in body-wide exhales and yet, enough time to experience hard days, complicated emotion and questioning of life choices.
Many mornings I’d wake up at the lake to glassy, motionless water. Sometimes a slight fog would hover over the edges as the pinks of the sunrise sky blended with the grey-blues of the lake. The stillness of the water made Psalm 23 a heart-overflow prayer of mine almost every morning. I spent many minutes in that Psalm this summer, determined to actually memorize every word not ‘mostly know what it says.’
Right after David writes about his Shepherd leading him beside still waters, he pens this powerful promise, ‘he restores my soul.’
Toward the beginning of our time in Minnesota I would get a little giddy about that promise. Here I am, God. You have led me beside still waters, and I can’t wait for you to do the rest. Go ahead, restore me. I’ll be here, gently moving in this rocking chair.
As the summer progressed though, I realized that the stillness of the waters, the quietness of our schedule and the absence of busy and routine seemed to unearth less than pleasant things in me. When we are used to operating at a certain speed and volume, any pause or blip in the noisy, forward momentum tends to be a little jarring. The silence and the stillness around me clashed aggressively with the inward battles, doubts, insecurities and wounds that conveniently stayed hidden behind a good and full life.
So I spent some days at the lake wrestling with God. I spent some days at the lake confused, unsure, scared even. But after the internal spiritual dust seemed to settle a little, I began to notice something. My soul seemed quieted. Anchored. Tethered to God in a new way. In a backwards path I couldn’t have expected, through honest prayers, tears, pain and confession, He restored my soul.
Sometimes God, in his great grace, restores us by gently tending to the very tired and worn places within us. Almost undetected in his masterful, divinely-sneaky ways. But on the other side of a vacation, sabbath, or season we sense we aren’t the same person we used to be. It was Him. Moving, working, restoring His people time and time again.
Other times though, the restoration is a co-labored hard-fought battle. We are in the ring with the thoughts, beliefs, or choices that no longer lead us toward God. It feels like a fight to leave them behind, to choose Him and to believe what He says is true in our complicated 2024 lives.
This summer God very much led me beside still waters and this summer God very much restored my soul. Both (I pray) for His name’s sake.
What about you? Did you have a chance to get quiet this summer? How has He made you lie down in the green places? How has He led you beside still waters? How might He be restoring your soul? Maybe it’s not in the peaceful, rocking chair way you hoped for, but I assure you, He is moving. And when this Shepherd is on the move, soul restoration isn’t far behind.
Until September,
xoxo
Learning:
One of the things I missed most not being in Austin were early morning walks through the neighborhood in the dark. It’s as moody and awesome as it sounds. I haven’t missed one since we’ve gotten home. Dark morning walks in Minnesota would have required awaking in the fours and perhaps getting eaten by a bear, so suburban Austin walking it is.
I love solitude. I love people too. I’m one of those weird ambiverts (which is around 50/50 on the introvert/extrovert scale) so what I’m saying is I’m often confused as to what I need. But I am learning that if I start and end the day in solitude and squeeze people in the middle- I’m usually my best self.
Good friends are as vital as air in this life, guys. Six weeks without them has only enhanced my intention as a friend and gratitude for them. (See photo for evidence of the Knowles fam being this to us.)
How to drive a boat! I had a goal to learn this summer and I did. I only forgot it had to be in neutral to start it one time.
Good questions and good listeners feel like shooting stars. When you come across someone in everyday life who asks something thoughtful and sticks around to listen well… I mean… let’s just all do this better?
Reading:
Besides Psalm 23 I spent most of the summer reading, praying and writing out Psalm 119. I am convinced that if you are needing a revived love of God’s word, you should read and write out this Psalm. It has been powerful for me.
Thanks to the Olympics, I have started books by two of the classiest and fastest females on the planet. Just Add Water by Katie Ledecky and Far Beyond Gold by Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone. The former athlete in me loves stories like these.
I read my first Karen Kingsbury book this summer. I am usually not a novel person, but thought that should change. I would love to know your favorite one- even though it will probably be next summer when I read another novel.
Lots of time in Judges and Ruth as I prep to teach those this fall.
Praying:
I started another impossible prayer board like I referenced in my last post and it helps me immensely to pray for people by name- in bold Sharpie marker. There are some audacious things on there- but that’s what makes prayer fun.
For our kids, their upcoming school year, and teachers.
For Austin- a renewed sense of gratitude for this very good man I married and all he holds in a given day.
For renewal/awakening. I just want to see it and be a part of it. There’s a 3-5 second portion of my dark morning walk where I can see the downtown skyline and I pray each time I see it for God to do something massive in Austin while we live here. So I pray He will and that I wouldn’t be blind to it.
Up To:
Filling my trunk with bag upon bag of giveaway items. Change of seasons with kids means clothes no longer fit and it’s time for a clean sweep around the house.
Eating HU Cashew Butter dark chocolate as if it is an olympic event.
Squeezing in pool days and play dates before school.
Writing to you- and wondering, as you read this, how your summer has been?